Turtle Diaries
by Pinguin1993
Summary: Okay, I'm talking to imagined bipedal humanoid turtles. So what? Everyone has their own ways to deal with their lives. This is mine. Collection of mostly unrelated entries.
1. Mikey's embarassment

"Ab-so-lu-te-ly not."  
Michelangelo's voice is dead serious as he glares at me, arms crossed in front of his chest. His blue eyes behind the orange mask have taken the color of the night sky as he is overwhelmed by something that comes very much near to fury.  
Leonardo sort of snorts behind me, caused by the unnatural expression his youngest brother wears. Mikey glares at him, too, but it only makes the leader chuckle.  
"Aww, come _on, _Mikey!" I try to give him puppy-eyes, but he only narrows his eyes. "Don't be so off-character, hun..."  
With a sharp gesture, the turtle interrupts me and snorts. "Off-character? _OFF-CHARACTER?" _He throws his hands up in disbelief. "Can you all stop calling me this? Like, NOW?" His pleading eyes wander over to the clan leader who's currently sitting on my bed, legs crossed and pretending to meditate. The grin on his face tells another story, though. "Come on, bro, can't you say something?"  
Leo wrinkels his nose, twitches his fingers and finally, but very, very slowly, opens one eye. "No, I don't think so", he answers and closes his eye again.  
I can't help but laugh at the sight. "See, baby-bro, you're the only one who's against this." I silently congratulate myself for having Raphael and Donnie out of the way. I sent Raphie to get pizza at a store really, and I mean _really _far away. He can't use the sewer system to go there, because in my little hometown the sewers are long not as big as in NYC, so he additionally is really slow. After ten minutes I've told Donnie to go look after him. Haa, I'm such a genius.  
"I'm not."  
"Oh yes, you so are."  
Mikey's hands twitch towards his nunchucks. "I'm warning you, you ... penguin, you! Soon as you _dare _bringing me even closer to your special homosexual boyfriend, I'll.. I'll..."

Even long after Leo stopped him from bashing my head, carried him out of my room, had a serious talk about not hitting girls and finally went to eat the pizza, I silently chuckled. As he sits in front of me at the dinner table, quietly munching some thuna, his face shows an odd mix of green and deep red. Leo buries his bemused expression behind the newspaper of today. Totally at a loss, Raph and Donnie (Who're still mad at me about the pizza thing) shoot glances over the table.  
"You know, Mikey", I whisper and his eyes shoot up to meet mine, "if you are a really good boy, I'll think about your role in my fanfiction. _Maybe."_

Three hours later, I lie in my bed. My room's freshly tidied up, the kitchen's clean, and my dog's been out as well. I sigh and cuddle deeper into the blankets.

Having a personal green slave is really something, is my last thought before I drift off into sleep.

* * *

_Turtle Diarys, hun? I'll from time to time update this "Fanfiction". It'll always be about recent events in my life and most often about my fanfictions "What, if it had happened differently" and "Just play the role" [this one is about JPTR, by the way].  
Hope you have fun!  
Oh yeah, if any of you have some sort of special day experience about the turtles and you want to, you can send me your stories and I'll involve them in this one._

**Disclaimer: **_The disclaimer is property of someone I don't know. I don't need it, actually. I mean, what do you think this is? Youtube? It's a side for fanfics, and I'll F*** post them!_  
_Hello, TMNT owners out there. Lock your doors and nail your windows, because one night, I'll come... And then they'll be mine... :-D_


	2. Legend of the dragons

"You should be working."  
I jump in my chair before I turn around, startled but still a little ashamed. He's right, I should be working.  
"But", I start and stop again. There is no 'but'. I am at a loss of words.  
Leo is watching me from Onyx eyes, and I feel the heat creeping up my cheeks. I'm not blushing, or am I?  
"Where are the others?" I ask and quickly shut the book I was reading, remembering the page. It is funny, though, that Leo's come alone.  
The blue-clad turtle shrugs. "Raphie's out with Casey, I don't _want_ to know where. Donnie has some _important matter _to discuss with the internet research community he joined-" he makes inverted commas with his fingers as he says 'important matter'- "and well, Mikey's still emberassed and mad at you."  
That attracts my attention. "Aww, come on! It's been more than a week now, and I apologized!"  
Leo lifts one eye ridge and I suddenly feel caught doing something bad. "And that's the point", he says and sighs. "It's been more than a week now. When are you going to continue your stories?"  
I look at my feet, I can't help it. "Sorry", I murmur. "I'll upload them soon. They are all written down, I just have to upload them and..."  
"Don't lie to me", Leo interrupts sharply. "I know very well that you write your chapters in the document manager and upload them right away. Don't jazz me."  
Now I'm getting stubborn, and I know it, but still. "I have been working, okay? So it wasn't your story I have been writing, that's right. But I really want to finish this book somewhen in the future... And I really want to win this writing contest..." I try to stare him down, realize I haven't got a chance, and look away again. Leo chuckles.  
"I thought this contest was in February."  
Damn, how does he know? Oh, wait. Right. He's a product of my imagination.  
"I heard that", he says and crunches his beak. "Ouch, by the way."  
I blink sharply and finally offer him a seat. "It's right", I start once he sat down on my bed, "the contest's in February, but it can't be wrong to start early since last year I totally messed up." I shrug and hand him a bottle of water. "So I decided to write a legend for the book I'm writing at the moment, and maybe I'll hand it in next year. The legend, I mean."  
"What kind of a legend?" Now I have Leo's attention, and for a moment I just enjoy the feeling. Aww, how much I love this boy is ridiculous.  
"A legend about the origin of our planet... It's called 'Legend of the dragons', and it has to do with dragons", I try to explain somewhat lame and I see his face lighten up. So he really is into the myth stuff, just like Donnie told me once.  
"Can I see it?" He takes a sip of the water, trying to look uninterested, but I still have to chuckle. "Sorry, it's German", I then apologize. He makes a face. "Ah, come on, can't you translate it for me?"  
I blush. "It's not finished yet." In fact, I hate when people read my stories. It's emberassing for me. And then, additionally, it's LEO. Aww.  
He tries to convince me it doesn't matter, and of course I give in somewhen. I do the best I can, but I know it's awful because I have to think twice about every word.  
"That was great", Leo states when I finish. And when I look at him because I think he's making fun of me, he looks directly at me. He's honest about this.  
"Oh", I say and blush. "That's soooo sweet of you!" And I hug him.  
Laughing he breaks the hug seconds later. "Okay, enough of that, he chuckles. "I gotta go now, I promised to get pizza for the guys..." I roll my eyes, because what else could it be? Pizza. Yeah. Cool.

"One more thing", he whispers hastily as he already climbs out the window. It seems he doesn't even want to ask, but he still does. "In your story... What if it happened differently... Is there something going on between me and Usagi?" His hands shake slightly, I see with interest.  
"Don't you worry", I whisper back. "It'll all work out perfectly." And I give him a kiss on the cheek before he disappears.

* * *

_The starkeepers watched the new planet and realized that it was about to destroy itself. To give it a chance, they sent their twelve legates down to the planet to control the fighting elements and bring peace... And these legates are the dragons, and as long as the planet exists, they will stay and watch over it._

Fire ... Water ... Air ... Earth ... and their children Lightning ... Wood ... Ice ... Storm ... Steel ... Stone ... Psyche ... and Evolution ...

But the planet still died. They all wondered what the reason could be? It just hung there in the universe, silent and calm, and the young sun was shining on its one side and shadowing the other.

_And the starkeepers sent two more dragons down to the planet. And they were Sun, who brought light and made the planet spin in an endless circle about the shining gasball in the center... And Moon, who spent light at night and made the waters of the planet rush and play with the ground._

And so, life was born...

[Extract from : The legend of the dragons]  



	3. ChocolateChip cookies

"_Thank_ you."

Leonardo's voice is thick with something the author would have called irony if it weren't for the clan leader.  
"I do what I can", she answers in the same tone, turning towards the intruders with a sigh. "How did I get the honour of your visit?"

"I wanted to thank you", Leo quietly grins and quickly takes a sip of his tea to hide it when Donnie shoots him a suspicious look.  
"A'm here fa de cookies", Raph admits without blushing and bites into another chocolate chip cookie which somehow makes Leo grin even more.  
"I'm still mad", Mikey mumbles and refills his cacao-cup. "And I'll never forgive you."  
"I want to know what the heck is going on", Donnie states obviously annoyed. This attracts the author's attention. The yellow coffee cup in front of the medic is still untouched.

"Going on with what?" she asks curiously, taking a seat. The kitchen is a real mess right now, but she has more important matters to think about, even though her father has his own opinion about this. Additionally, when the turtles come over without a warning, they have no right to complain. Which they didn't, by the way.

"With chuckle-head over there", Don hisses and points at Leo. The author frows; this tone from the quiet turtle was unnatural. "Why? What's wrong with Leo?" she asks worried. Her favourite brother, ill? But no. The announced seems perfectly fine except for the grin as he watches the plate with the cookies.

"Because", Donatello waits for a dramatic pause, "he won't stop grinning."

For a second, everything is quiet. Then Leo chuckles slightly.  
"Wooooooow, big drama, Dude", Mikey states and grabbs a cookie as well, dipping it into his cacao. Raph snorts.  
"But", Don starts and then bites his lower lip.  
"You don't want him to smile?" the author asks and eyes him suspiciously. "I can rewrite last night if you want me to."

Before the purple turtle can ask what exactly Leo's condition has to do with _last night, _the blue-clad jumps from his chair, looking shocked. "You wouldn't!", he shouts. When he realizes everyone's watching him, his face becomes an odd red-green color and he sinks back into the seat.

"I say he's in love", Mikey jokes only to frown heavily when Leo chirps a quick "no I'm not" before burying his face in the tea cup.  
"What happened last night? Did you write another chapter or what?" Now Don's a bit jealous. "Why weren't we there?"  
"That's a secret", the author says and puts their cups away. From the corner of her eye, she can see Leo mouthing _Thank You._

"You meanie", Mikey says and climbs out the window first. Raph follows soon after, shooting the author a dead glare. Last comes Don who still frowns and bites his lower lip. From time to time the genius makes a sound close to _pffft._

"Uh", the author says watching them. "You do know the kitchen's on ground level and the door's just over there?" She points at the white door to her left. "You don't have to use this small window.. Besides, now I'll have to wipe the working place." She makes a face.

"Yeah, I know", Leo sighs and opens the door. "And they call me funny."  
The girl grins widely. "Chocolate-chip cookies, huh" she mocks him and he shows her his tongue before he walks out.

With that they are gone, and the author starts cleaning up before her father can get mad again. Or find the cups.

_Good luck, Leonardo-san...

* * *

This one's about my story ""What, if it had happened differently". Read the newest chappie to find out!_


	4. No Training, Please!

"You should start writing the data in your diary", Donatello suggests.

* * *

**Friday, 6/25/2010**

* * *

"And the location you're in, for example. You could even write about your feelings or the weather or something", the purple-clad turtle goes on.

* * *

**In my room, somewhere in Germany / sunny weather / 14:17 p.m. / TIRED / listening to: Lena Meyer-Landrut - Sattelite  


* * *

**"Wait a second", I mumble tiredly and stop typing what I'm told. Slowly (which is the fastest I can offer in my condition) I rise my head until my blue eyes meet his chocolate brown. Donnie cocks his head to the side. "Yes?"

"What-" I could swear there's a slight _beep _when my brain finally starts working. Confused, I shake my head. "What," I restart, "are you doing here?"

"Oh, nothing, really", is the answer. Donnie really tries to sound innocent- he even gives me Mikey's famous puppy-eyes - but somehow, there's a feeling in my guts which tells me it's far from _nothing_. I snort, rise one eyeridge and wait for him to correct his statement.  
He doesn't, and we end up staring at each other for several moments before I finally give up and look away. I just can't stand looking at them for too long. It's too amazing, and my heart always starts to beat faster whenever I catch a glimpse of green from the corner of my eye. I really can't remember when or why exactly they started to visit me from time to time, but I don't really care.

"Coffee?" I ask defeated. His brown eyes lighten up- of course they do. "How long've you been up yesterday?" I sigh as we walk down the stairs towards the kitchen. Donnie just shrugs, so it's likely he didn't sleep at all. With yet another sigh, I enter the kitchen, the light green turtle on my heels.

"Whom are you talking to?" my mum asks curiously which makes me freeze on the spot. I totally forgot she was cooking. "Uh!" I make before I realize she can't see the giant mutant turtle next to me. It reliefs me, but on the other hand I really start to worry if I'm totally nuts now. "No one. I just trained for my referate on monday", I answer. "Can I, uh, have a coffee?"

Wrong question. Everyone in my family knows I hate that stuff. Mum eyes me curiously while she puts the lasagna into the oven. "Coffee? You?" She tries to look past me to see if there's someone else. "Is Jessica here?" (Jessica is my best friend and practically a family member. And she loves coffee.) I retreat a step and shake my head. "Nevermind" I press and run back upstairs.

"No coffee", Donnie sighs and sounds deeply depressed. I put a hand on his shoulder and my heart beats faster. The feeling.. I will never forget this, no matter how old I get. "Sorry", I say.

We talk for a while and I finally get him to admit that he fled from morning exercises. A quick math tells me that in NY it has to be about 4 am, no wonders he's so tired. I hope Splinter won't come over, because I seriously have no idea how to handle him. So I pat his arm reassuringly before leaning back in my chair. "Ya know ya gotta go back somewhen?" I ask him quietly. He shakes his head immediately. "Who says that?"

I have to admit, this panicks me. I mean, cool, a turtle as a pet (I have two already living in our pond). Cool, a guest for a day. But a green guest only I can see for _forever? _Thank you, but no, thank you.  
If it were Leo, okay. But Donnie...

I'm not able to finish my train of thoughts because the window opens and all of a sudden the room is filled with green figures.

"Time to go home, Dude", Mikey laughs and keeps squirming Don's hands in a firm grip.  
"Yeah, ya gotta train, man", Raph joins in and kicks Donnie's feet from under him to carry him.  
"Splinter's really worried, you know this?" Leo asks quietly.

Soon enough they carried a shouting and flinching Donatello out of the window and leave me there with my mouth hanging open. "Yes, hi, I'm also glad to see you" I finally comment sarcastically, but they're long gone.

"Pinguin, dinner's ready", my mum shouts from downstairs, and still shaking my head, I leave my room.


	5. Alternative Endings

**Sunday, 6/27/2010, 12:32 a.m.  


* * *

**

**Sunny, blue sky; Mood: hard to tell, waiting for Mikell's story to be updated; Coming right from children's mass which I prepared

* * *

**

"What'cha doin'?" Raph asks looking over my shoulder. I wish I could say I'm hardened by now to them sneaking up on me. But, nope, not the case.  
"Yalp!" I scream, falling from my chair before covering the laptop screen with my hands.

Raphael looks at me, half startled, half amused. "Yalp?" he repeats mockingly. "Ya, like, OK?" Then he offers me a hand and pulls me up. I nod and whipe imaginary dust off my pants. "'Course I am OK." Raph looks at me, still smirking, but I ignore him and walk over to the door.

"What are you doing here?" I ask so I don't have to answer his first question. "Fleeing from morning training as well?" I look at the clock on my wall and decide no; in NY it has to be around two in the morning. "Naah", Raphael answers and proves me right. "Just needed a night off-" he looks out the window- "or more, like, day off?"

I laugh at that. "Want something to drink? It's pretty hot, huh?" I think of his reptilian blood; he has to be totally heated up by now. "Water'd be fine" he rightfully mutters, and I throw him a bottle of water from the cupboard. "Uh", he says after taking a sip, "that's with gas."  
For a second, I am confused. Of course it is. Then I remember what mum told me- in America, most people drink 'normal' water, other than in Germany. "Sorry", I say, snatch another bottle from the board and switch them. "Here you are."

"Thanks", he smirks and falls into a chair, drinking fast. "So, what ditcha do up there?"  
I curse inwardly. So he hasn't forgotten. "Writing a new story" I admit, because hiding things from Raph never worked so far. "I'm looking for a beta reader right now; this time I want to do this right."

"Why don'tcha go look'n fer one on fanfiction?" he asks me, lowering the bottle. His amber eyes look at me questioningly and I blush immediately. "I don't get how this works", I grumble. "How do I ask someone who wants to beta-read? I don't get it."  
Raphael shrugs; he doesn't know either. In his world the fanfiction site doesn't exist; the fanfiction site_** is **_his world. "No clue" he says and empties the bottle.

"So what'cha writin' bout?" he asks then, putting the bottle back into the cupboard. "Ya not lookin' too peaceful."  
I laugh a little. "It's about alternative endings", I tell him. He narrows his eyes. "Tha stuff fearless' thinking bout so much?"  
I nod. "Yeah, that's it." We both look at each other for a long second. "What alternative ending?" the red-masked asks then. I shrug. "Right now, 'bout the attack before the Battle Nexus Tournament."  
I wasn't prepared for Raph's reaction. "The attack on Leo?" he asks, and suddenly I know he knows what I'm writing. I've never seen him so sad before. "Pretty bloody, huh?" And I can only nod. Yeah, pretty bloody indeed.

"Just don't make him die, 'kay", the hothead asks in a deep voice. And this is when I look up and my eyes find his. "I would _never", _I say with everything I can give him.

"Yeah, I know", he smirks. "Ya love him too much."

Before I can answer, my mum enters. "Hi, darling, you're bacK?" she asks and offers me a bowl with melon pieces. "Want one?"  
And when I turn around, Raphael is gone.

_Never, _I think. _Because I love you all, Raph._


	6. AU visits and a kiss

**Tuesday, 6/29/2010, 23:38  


* * *

**

"What did I do?" My voice is shaky, and I know it. But, to tell the truth- sitting on a cherry tree in your own garden above a pond at midnight while a mad turtle with a sword is telling you to come down? Betcha'd be shaky, too. Like-HELL.

"Nothing", Leo growls and lowers his sword. It almost makes me climb down. Almost. That is, until he glares up at me from onyx eyes and raises his voice. "Not yet. So _come down _and let me tell you what I think about your future ideas!"

"Uh", I answer and pretend to be thinking about it, "like, _DEFINITELY NOT!" _Desperately reaching for the next branch, I overcome my panic of heights and climb further up the tree. My hands are shaky and slipping with sweat, and my boxershorts don't help either, but all I can think of right now is _how much I want to live._

"What do you want from me!" I shout as Leo comes closer to the cherry tree. My two turtles, who have awoken, hiss at him for disturbing their peace, but he ignores them. I can see a light being switched on in the neighbors' house and press against the bark. I want to disappear. What did I do? Why is Leo mad at me? I have no idea! And now he is reaching up with his sword and the blade almost touches my left foot. Curse you, nature, for inventing high trees- and low ones...

"I've been visited", Leo answers. His voice is unnaturally deep and sharp. "By Leonardo."  
For a second my heart stops racing and my fingers lose their grip. _Please don't let it be Askre's AU-Leonardo. Please let them be okay...  
_"He came from an Alternate Universe", Leo continues and circles the tree, still watching me from these onyx orbs. _Not Askre, not Askre, please...  
_"And he told me something about a girl you may know as 'Moonsetta'".  
_Oh god. _I take it all back. I want Askre's bountyhunter-Leo. NOW. _Not Moonsetta..._

"I don't know this girl", I say, but my voice tells my words lies. I'm shaking violently now, and the tree bark is cutting into my hands. Great, what will mum think? On the other hand, what will she think about my dead body lying in the pond... I climb further up the tree but the branches become pretty thin now. "What do you want from me now?"

"I want you", Leo growls, and I can imagine the demonic grin flashing over his face, "to stop writing."  
This is when the world stops spinning, looks at us with wide eyes and decides to run backwards just to see what it's like.  
"Like HELL, Leo" I say, and now it's my voice growling at him. "NEVER." And I actually climb down again.

Leonardo is surprised enough to step aside and lower his swords. He doesn't even move when I approach him, pushing my hands against his plastron. It doesn't even leave a mark, and my hands hurt now, but you get the message. "Just because", I say, bringing my face close to his, "some stupid AU-Leo", I raise on my toes so I can look down on him, "gets all whiney-diney about his life", another push, "you want me to _stop?"_

"He warned me", Leo says. His voice is low now, almost a whisper. I look at his eyes and see worry underneath the fury. "He said you'd make them cry."

I know immediately he is talking about his brothers. Of course he is. A sigh escapes my lips as I turn and walk towards the house. "Bonehead" I whisper back as I open the window door and turn one last time, giving him a smile. He still stands there motionless. All the anger escaped from his body, and now he just looks.. sad. "Ask Raph. He talked about the same thing with me."

This causes the blue-banded turtle to look up, expression confused. "He did? What did you say?" He slowly approaches, sheeting his swords.  
I cross the last step between us and hug him tight. "You know the answer", I whisper into his ears and feel his body tense in my embrace. "I couldn't, even if I wanted to." My lips find his cheek, and I give him the slightest kiss before I release him. "It'll all be okay, I swear it."

With a last bow, I disappear and go to bed.  
_Hell, he's so sexy when he's angry._


	7. Turtle Training Tasks, Part One

**Turtle Training Tasks, Part One**

"You sure haven't invited us for a long time, girl", Mikey says. He actually sounds as if he was .. sulking? Could it be? It is true, I haven't invited them for about a week now, but still, it's no reason to get all worked up about.

"What's this?" my little sister asks, holding up one of my .. not quite youth-free books. I must have forgotten to put them back under my matress after cleaning up.. Ugh. I cough something like 'put that away' and snatch it from her hands, hiding it behind my back in a fruitless attempt to have them unnoticed.

"Yeah, Pinguin, what's this?" Raph asks, a smirk in his voice. But he is quickly cut off by Mikey who once again rises his own voice and rambles on. "I mean", he grumbles (_yes, he actually manages to grumble in a shout!), _"only one more week and you'll be gone for about five weeks, if not more. We won't be able to see you anymore, and you don't even say Good-Bye to us!"

"And what is that?" my sister asks, completely unaware of what goes on around her. She holds up.. yet another of these books. _Where the hell did she..? _I manage to think while I rip this one off her hands as well, but Mikey raised his voice again and now it blocks my thoughts. Phew, quite impressive, this boy. "You hate us!" he screams and sinks to the floor. His hands are put dramatically against his forehead, and slowly, ever so slowly his legs give out underneath him and he falls. His head misses a couple of books by inches- his orange bandana even wipes the top one. There is quite a crash when his shell hits solid ground, but strangely enough, my sister ignores all of this.

"I'm going insane", I sigh in defeat. My sister's head snaps up, staring right at me. "You know, I don't _have _to help you with your mess! Why do I even _bother! _Now I'm making you insane, well, go ahead without me!" And she storms away, leaving a startled girl (me) and four even more startled human-like turtles.

"YOU." My voice is a deep growl, and even Raphael looks impressed when I approach Mikey and show my teeth in a mad flash. "You are _dead meat."_

... ... ... ... ...

"So what's it with you?" Leo asks me a few minutes later. Mikey sits far, far away in a corner and whines, holding his hurting head. But every time he tries to speak or even approach, I growl at him and he stops cold, whimpering but silent. Right now I look at Leo instead, wondering what he means and at the same time knowing it all too well. "What's it with me?" I repeat unsure.

"You look .. unhappy, at least", the blue-banded turtle tries carefully. I sigh and move uneasily in my chair, not wanting to tell the truth. For one, because they could laugh.. They could tell me it's not true and talk about it at home... But, worse, they could say I'm right. "Nothing special", I murmur and try to change the topic. "How's Sensei doing?"

Leo'd really like to talk about Splinter- he always does- but I can't trick him. "Just fine", he says short and clear. "How are _you _doing?"

There's no way I'll get out of this, so I want to get it over with fast. "ImgettingfatandIhateit", I whisper, my voice only a blur. They understood, though. Shit.

"Well, you certainly _have _grown a slight belly.." Raph starts carefully and gets smacked in the head by Leonardo. The eldest turtle glares at him- a silent warning- before his eyes flicker to me. For a second I feel like hitting the hot-head as well. But then... I start crying.

"I kno-how", I sob. "I know and- an-d my d-d-dad to-hold me to a-a-a-s well a-and I .. I don't get- don't get it to lose wei-ght. I - I de-des_pise _myself!" Now it's out and I can't stop crying. How embarrassing... But hey, that's just me. These guys are only in my imagination. I can do as I please!

"Naa, you don't", Donnie finally peeps in. "You are just fine. Hell, so you have a belly, so what? Mikey has, too." He points at said brother. I giggle between my hiccup-sobs even though I know he's lying. That's why I love these guys so much.

"We can help you", Leo intervenes. I stare at him, confused for a second, and he explains. "Only you can see us in this world- or this house, at least. We can tell you not to eat this much ice-cream without anyone noticing. And we can show you some moves, sit-ups and yoga positions and stuff-" he is stopped cold when I fly at him, pulling him in a tight embrace and almost knocking him over. "Whoa" is all he says after this.

"So why don't cha start training yourself, with sit-ups an' dat", Raph suggests and looks at me questioningly. I blush slightly from anger but it's not directed at him. "It's because whenever I do so, one of my family members comes in and asks me what the hell I'm doing, and I hate that", I sigh. They look at each other before Don says "I can look out for them if you want to. Some times of the day, at least."

Now it's his time to be pulled into an embrace.

"And in the meantime write some more chapters, 'cause I would hate to have you leave with a total three-month hiatus", Leo finally says and stands up. Half an hour has gone by since. I'm sure more hard days will follow.

_The count-down runs, _I think as they climb out through the window. _The clock is ticking... Only one more week 'til I'm gone.  
_But somehow I know it'll be okay, whatever happens.


	8. Turtle Training Tasks, Part Two

**Turtle Training Tasks, Part Two**

Dear Diary.  
Huh. Somehow it seems off to really write this diary-like rather than writing what happens while it happens. But here I am, willing to give it a try.

It is only 13:02 right now, but the boys have already been here and left again. It was really embarrassing. You wonder why? I tell you why. When they entered my room- really, I never know how they come in in the first place- I was wearing nothing but a large shirt of my dads' and underwear. EMBARRASSING. Of course, Leo darted right out, quickly followed by Donnie who dragged Raph with him, all blushed awkwardly in a strange reddish green. Mikey didn't get it at all first, he really turned and wondered about it aloud and then smiled at me and said hi before Leo went in again, his eyes firmly closed, and dragged him out by the ankles. (Yes, once again Mike fell on his head.)

I quickly dressed and welcomed them. Then we went down to the cellar. It is really unbearably hot in my room which is right under the roof. Outside it has to be at least 32° Celsius, which has to be somewhere around 80° or 90° Farenheit, but I'm not entirely sure about this. So the only place you can actually breathe properly is the cellar. We took my dog Joey with us so he will survive another day, but he got uncomfortable in the turtles' presence because he is currently at war with my pet turtles. No jokes. So he went up again. Well, it is his problem, not mine.

We chatted about this and that for a time, mostly about the JPTR-chappie I put on yesterday, about Mikell's newest story, and about my holidays which start next Thursday. I'm excited and can't wait to get rid of school.

Then Raphie asked me about my training. I actually hid, because truth be told, I didn't do much for it. It's just too hot. And I ate crisps this morning. But all in all I ate less junkfood and such the last days, even though they were particulary difficult for the matter. First there was a birthday party, then a barbecue with my english class and -teacher, and then a school festival, and yesterday a good friend was here. It was hard, but I didn't eat more than normally at least. I really try. I didn't eat many crisps, okay?

But of course that didn't matter at all and guess what- Raphie made me do 10 sit-ups and 10 'what are they called' where you get down on your toes and hands and bend down and up again... You know. The mean thing. I'm done for today.

It was too hot even for them, so the boys left quickly after that. _Thanks. Ha ha._

Gotta go out anyway now. Even with 35°C the dog still has to pee.  
_Stupid dog._

Bye!_  
_


	9. Never the right time to say GoodBye

**It's never 'the right time' to say Good-Bye..**

_It is kind of funny to watch the four brothers miss me. But most of the time, it's just damn cute._

Mikey: Aww. I miss her already.  
Turtle: Ccchhhsssss.  
Mikey: She is annoying as hell some times, but hey, I know I am worse.  
Turtle: CHHHSSS!  
Mikey: And, well, you know, it was nice to be able to talk to someone who wouldn't judge me.  
Turtle: ...  
Mikey: It's not that I don't like my bros. But they are boys, ya know, and they are annoyed by me.  
Turtle: *sighs*  
Mikey: And April is cool and stuff, but hey, she's old. And I mean really old. Like, 23 or something. She's almost as old as Sensei.  
Turtle: ...  
Mikey: I don't want her to go. Even if it's just for a few weeks, and she really is nearer to us than normally, with her being in America and all that.  
Turtle: CCCHHHHHSSSSTSSSSCH!  
Mikey: Okay, fine, I won't poke you anymore. Now listen. She's a nice girl, 'kay? Don't tell her I said that though.  
Turtle: ... *sighs*

_He continued to talk to one of my pet turtles for quite some time._

Raph: - and then he started to giggle, _again, _and Usagi was totally annoying as well.  
Donnie: Relax, Raph. I think this state will remain for at least 5 more weeks, so you better get along with it.  
Raph: 5 WEEKS! I think I have to go now.  
Donnie: Why?  
Raph: To throw myself off a bridge.  
Donnie: Fine. Hand me this screwdriver before you leave, will ya?  
Raph: Sure. - why will it last for 5 more weeks?  
Donnie: Because Pinguin leaves the country and won't be able to continue her stories for that time.  
Raph: Huh? Pinguin leaves? Where does she go?  
Donnie: Sardinia and then America.  
Raph: Why?  
Donnie: Don't you ever listen?  
Raph: - sorry. What?  
Donnie: Hand me this box with screws. No, the other one. _The other one, _Raph. Thanks. She's on vacation.  
Raph: Oh.  
Donnie: I'm gonna miss her. I'll give her this shell cell once it's done.  
Raph: How come she didn't tell me! Not one single word! And I thought she liked me!  
Donnie: Relax. She _did_ tell you. You just didn't listen to her.  
Raph: What?  
Donnie: I'll miss her. Definitely. The one hour I spent without you and with her was the most relaxing hour of my life.  
Raph: Yeah, me too. Wait. What?

_Donnie really gave me the shell-cell once he was done. It is green and blue and really small and flat. Like a cell-phone. And it has a little turtle face printed on the back. I love it.  
The most disturbing Good-Bye was Leo's, though. He came to me personally. And it was awkward. I mean, everyone knnows I love him the most. And normally he is so.. distant, on the run, protecting and caring, but never really close to me. And he always thinks before he speaks, other than me. But this time..._

Leo: Hi, Pinguin.  
Me: Uaaha! Oh. Hi, Leo.  
Leo: Sorry for frightening you_.  
_Me: Don't worry. I'm getting used to this.  
Leo: Really?  
Me: No.  
Leo: *chuckles*  
Me: ...  
Leo: ...  
Me: ...  
Leo: What?  
Me: Why are you here? Did I do something again?  
Leo: Wha-? Oh, no, no. I just.. wanted to say Good-Bye.  
Me: *tears in her eyes* Oh...  
Leo: What? What did I say?  
Me: Nothing. *strange huge smile on her face*  
Leo: Uh. Oooo-kay.  
Me: Thank you.  
Leo: Uh, no probs.  
Me: This means a lot to me.  
Leo: ... well.  
Me: *grins*  
Leo: ... *sighs* You know, I'm really gonna, well, ya see, miss you and all that.  
Me: -!  
Leo: What?  
Me: Awww.. Oh.. L-L-Leo! *sobs*  
Leo: *smiles*  
Me: I'm gonna miss you, too. Incredibly much... I'll miss you! Every single day!  
Leo: *hugs her all of a sudden and a bit clumsily*  
Me: *startled gasp*  
Leo: *pulls away*  
Me: Grabs his shell and returns the hug, melting in his arms*  
[Silence]  
Leo: *chuckles*

_The rest of the conversation is private. Sorry. :3

* * *

I'm gonna miss you all! See you in 5 weeks! Hugs and kisses to everyone, and don't forget me too quickly, 'kay? :'3  
[Diary Entry 7/17/2010 - End]_


	10. Home Again

8/23/2010  
My Room  
1:52 a.m.

* * *

"Hey."

Leonardo's voice is barely audible, less than a whisper, but even though I had been waiting for hours to hear exactly that, I still jump. His soft chuckle almost makes me blush- almost. I am too tired for that now. All the crying has really exhausted me.

"Are you .. okay?"

The question comes hesitant, as if he is struggling to say it out loud. It is strange- such a small question, and such a great difficulty to answer it. _Am I alright? _Honestly, I don't know. _I should be. Shouldn't I?_ Unconsciously gnawing on my lower lip, I shrug, but I still don't turn around. I have a feeling that, despite my tiredness and the early hour of the morning, despite all the tears I already dropped to the floor, I'm still going to burst again once I see his face.

"Pinguin?"

His footsteps come closer, barely audible on the green carpet that covers my floor, and almost as hesistant as the question before. He is probably struggling to make a noise at all, with his amazing ninja skills and all that, and him being polite is almost more than I can handle. I know he is waiting for me to say something. Instead, I take my time. I turn the black-and-gold rectangle in my hands, around and around, as if it were a magic puzzle I have to solve. But it is not. It is a picture frame... just a paper picture frame.

Just one picture.  
And so much more than that...  
My family.

"It is strange to have three sisters all of a sudden", I whisper. My voice is hoarse from crying and from staying up that long. I hear his sigh, a soft escape of air, mixing with the humming of my laptop and the soft snoring of my dog downstairs. Somehow it makes the house feel more like home, and a small smile tuggs on the corner of my mouth. Home. Strange how the meaning of this word can shift in so little time. _Home is where your heart is. But where is mine?_

"Are you mad at me?" he asks, still hesitant, still keeping his distance. I am too surprised to say anything at first, but it takes me only a split second to turn around, cross the last remaining step between us and embrace him in a tight hug. He lets out a startled little yelp, and I smile into his shoulder, enjoying the fact that I was actually able to surprise him. Still, his shoulders remain tense, and I realize with a start that he really meant his question. That he really believes...

"Why should I be mad at you?"

My confusion must be obvious, because he chuckles softly. I can feel the light tremor running through his body as he does, and as a response I bury my head into his shoulder, my forehead resting against the splintered edge of his shell where he has been hit in a fight a long time ago.

"Because", he answers, and the blue bandana resting on his shell brushes against my hair as he moves to look at my suitcase, "I held you back."

This is where I start crying. I will spare you on the embarrassing details of mascara wettening blue cloth and green skin, of awkward rubbing of my back and... yeah. You get the idea. Anyways, once I had calmed down some more, I told him, "I thank you for that. Without you there, I would have jumped right off that bus. I would have made a scene. So... thanks."

More chuckles make his carapace vibrate against my skin, and finally, finally he relaxes.

"It was a good time, over there in America, hun?" he asks, a small smile visible on his features. Gosh, how have I missed these black eyes.  
"The best", I answer and slip into my chair. With a humming sound, the computer opens its DVD slot.

"What are you doing?" the Leader asks, confused and worried. "It's two in the morning. You should sleep now."  
"No, it's not", I answer. "It's 5 in the evening. I am not tired, and I have plenty of time left before I will be, and now I'm gonna watch this movie-"

There is a light squeek as my window opens, and from the corner of my eye I see three shadows jumping in.  
"Huh?" I say.  
"I heard MOVIE", Mikey tells me with a grin and gives me a quick hug. Donnie and Raph follow his example a bit awkwardly.  
"What movie is it?"

This time I do blush. "Yu Gi Oh", I answer and sit down. There is a chuckle coming from Leo, Raph grins, and Donnie smiles into his beard. (That he doesn't have. Ah anyway.) Mikey just looks excited. "Turn it on!" he says.

It turns out to be a nice, relaxed night, and I only have to cry two times more. Maybe three. Everyone laughs about the movie, and it's exciting, and somewhen in between I would drink from that special TMNT cup I got (which makes me happy), and run my fingers over the bleach on my exclusive LA HOMIE DONUT shirt, and let my gaze wander over to the folders and the diary and the little picture frame and smile.

Because four special people on the other side of the world made my life just a little bit better, and I couldn't be more thankful than I am right now.

I love you.  
OC CA '10


	11. TMNT is gone

**Weird Day. 9/7/2010  
**_Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain._

This really happened.

I don't know why I put this at the beginning of the entry, but it seemed important to me to say it. It really happened. It's not just some weird story I make up to entertain readers. Well, I write it down for that purpose. But it's true.

I am an idiot.

So, some of you might say 'Yeah, I guessed that much' or 'ooh, what a surprise', and those who know me well might just shake their heads and mutter 'oh Pinguin, what did you do this time?'.

My turtles are gone.

So you know, we have a pond in the garden. We dug it ourselves, in our first week in this house, 9 years ago. This is a long long time, more than half my lifetime. And it is a really, really small pond. Not too deep, maybe one or two feet. Not too wide, maybe 3x3 feet. It's tiny. But it had plants and fish. It was cool. Then the turtles came, or rather, we found them on the street and took them in.  
They ate our fish. They ate all the plants. But hey, they do what turtles do, and I loved them. They were my little green shelled cats. (They'd hiss at me from time to time.) They were my TMNT.

My mum gave them away yesterday.

Hey. I've seen that man's pond. It's bigger than our whole garden. (I'm not kidding.) He has Koi and biiiiiig goldfish and a small turtle named Pauline. Kassiopeia and Franziska are gonna fit right in. I know it's the best for them, because without plants the water in the pond is turning oily and black.

But I miss them like crazy.

And when we left that man's garden, I couldn't help but mutter, "The guys are gonna kill me."

My mum heard me and said, "who is gonna kill you?" But I ignored her and she let the matter go.

This is my story.  
I miss you, Franzi and Kassi.  
I hope you are all right.

The guys didn't kill me.  
They hugged me. They stroke my back. They were really nice.  
That didn't help me at all. It made me forgive my mum.

That's a good thing. I guess. Because I love her.

* * *

_You're kinda, sorta, basically, pretty much always on my mind._


	12. I Wish

**11/09/2010**

"Leo", I say, and not for the first time, "stop that."

Hamato Leonardo, ninja turtle, clan leader, eightteen years old, big, green and adorable, sits next to me on the sofa. Which doesn't bother me. We watch an animation movie, and Leo mouthes the words the characters say. Doesn't bother me. His arms are stretched behind us over the back of the sofa, which is kind of an indirect hug- doesn't bother me at all. He wipps his feet and makes the pillow we sit on hop up and down. Bothers me. Definitely.

"Sorry." He doesn't even look at me when he says that. His eyes are fixed to the screen. And, shell, we're watching 'Madagascar'.

I get the sneaky suspicion that I was wrong about the motives for this evening.

At first I'd thought that he just wanted to be nice. Even though I deny it, and it's unfair, I like him the most, and they know that. I thought he wanted a nice joke evening to finally get me settled again in Germany. We picked a movie from the five I actually possess and then sat down and ate chips. But he wouldn't talk to me at all. No jokes.

Then he got all cuddly and placed his arm behind me like they do in those horrible romance movies. He slipped his feet under my blanket and all that. I thought then that maybe he wanted to test me, or just annoy me. It worked. The only reason I didn't flip is that I recently decided to be a friendlier person. I do that once in a month. So I waited. And he still didn't say anything, even though he playbacked the movie, which was really cool.

By now I believe that Leo is not here to do _me _a favour at all. He's here for his own comfort. It takes a while to wrap your mind around that, especially because it's Leo, the big brother, the strong one, the strict one; Mr. staff-in-his-behind, you know. I am not sure what to do. He won't look at me.

Slowly, carefully, I shift and move closer towards Leo. He doesn't seem to notice, even though I know he does. His eyes never leave the screen. I take my time to pull the blanket up to my chin, and then, as if the idea just popped into my mind, I turn sideways and lie my head on his shoulder.

For a second, he tenses. And then, everything floats out of him and he sinks into the pillows of the sofa. He even moves a little so it's more comfortable for me. I smile and try not to tickle him with my hair. And we watch in silence.

I don't really know what this is all about, but it makes me think. Think about why. Why. Why? Why is Leonardo my favorite turtle?

In the very beginning, before I was on fanfiction and some time after, too, I thought I was lame. I thought that everyone loves Leo. That it's uncool because I'm mainstream. (I'm a teen, I think about that stuff.) I was worried that writing stories about Leo would annoy people because everyone does. It took some time for me to realize that I was wrong, that Leo was not the favorite character of the series, but actually not at all. That people don't like his way. I never really understood that. But it had me thinking about what it was that I found so attracting about him.

The thing is, I can absolutely understand everyone else. Why they like Mikey's open minded, but intelligent and innocent character. How they see this dark side of him that cries alone at night and shouts and screams when no one can hear it. I can understand those who love Donnie's intelligent, caring mind. His quiet thoughtfulnes and his shy smiles. Shell, I can even understand why they like hot-head Raphael, and how they see the hidden clues that show his big-brotherly self.

Depending on the story I just read, or the latest episode I watched, I am sometimes about to change my opinion and say "Yes, Donnie's better than the others" or something. But I always come back to Leo. I don't really know why, I never thought about it. It was just like that. Everyone's cool, Leo's better. The End.

But the way he sits next to me right now makes me really, really sad. And I wish, I silently send a prayer to somewhere that one day, there'll be new TMNT episodes. No alternative universes. No other dimensions. No future- and- come- back- adventures. No crazed mutants, no robot armys, no marriages, no next mutations, no remakes. Nothing like that. Shell, I don't even really need the foot and and the PDs. I just want some more insight stories about them. Like X-Men Origins: Wolverine, just for TMNT.

Because maybe, then I could understand. I could even help him.

I am at a loss. I don't know what to do, and I am not very good at comforting people. I am good at telling them stupid jokes until they forget, but sometimes that makes it worse. And a look at Leo's face tells me that in this case it would.

Leo doesn't need jokes. He needs a friend.

I snuggle a little closer to him and hand him the chips.


	13. Grow Up

**09/14/2010**

* * *

Maybe I'm too old.

Maybe that's it. The simple, cruel truth. I'm just too old for my life. A few years ago, there was the point where normally, people say "okay, it was nice, but here I stop", and I missed it. And now I am here and have absolutely no idea where to go.

I stare at the screen of my laptop. At all the windows I opened. Fanfiction. Youtube- TMNT episode. MNT Gaiden. Pokémon picture search. Heard Gold Edition walkthrough. The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, Online Version. And I feel as if I'm staring at my life, summarized into this. My childhood that I just can't leave behind.

My thoughts wander back to my friends. They are about my age, but they are interested in parties and mascara and hell, in sex and boys and all that. They accept me, most of the time, but they don't really understand most of the stuff I do. Sure, there's one girl who watches Fairy Goodparents, too; and some of my friends actually got the new Pokémon editions because they got nostalgic, and my best friend loves to draw manga, but hey. I'm the only one who doesn't do anything _but. _I'm seventeen now, almost eightteen. I'm in my final year of school, and I don't have a clue about what to do afterwards. I'm a big mess. And I need to get a grip.

I think about the million times my father laughed about, or shook his head at, the things I watch on TV. The times my mum got angry because I watched the new Pokémon movie. About how my friends looked at me when they found the TMNT cup I hide in my room. The day my dad's friends came in when I watched Fairy Goodparents, raised their eyebrows and said "What the hell is this childish S***? Aren't you grown up by now?"

I really want to grow up. Outgrow this life I have. But I know that I can't. My mind is not adult-ish enough for that. I don't know what to do.

"Maybe you should start to just accept _yourself_", Leo says and squeezes my shoulder. I spin the chair around and try to smile at him. The small blue penguin, my second I, who barely reaches to my knee, pats the latter awkwardly. Ash Ketchum stops to throw a Pokéball into the air and catch it again long enough to wink at me. Mikey and Raph, who were fighting Link from The Legend Of Zelda, make up and start to talk about hidden trapdoors and how enemies are always ugly. And Jack, the main character from Harvest Moon, looks up from his list of rare seeds and scratches his head.

"Disappear", I say. I'm suddenly really tired. "I'm too old for you."

And they are gone. Just like that. It's that easy.

For a second, I stare into the empty room. Try to imagine a life_ without _ the games and games and games that are stuffed into my nightstand. Without my nintendo. Without my manga and comic books and the list with internet webpages to watch movies on. Without.. my childhood.

The room suddenly seems way too big for me. A cold blow of wind comes through my window and I shudder. Great. A dramatic effect. I look at my NDS.. with Pokémon Ruby and Professor Layton 2 in it. Look at my pillow, under which I keep my favorite manga. At my Sims 3 collection. At my TMNT cup.

"Ah, crap", I say and bury my head in my hands. Maybe Leo is right after all. Maybe I should just learn to accept myself the way I am.

"Sure I'm right. I always am." Leo smirks his superior smirk.

Ash throws a Pokéball at his head, and I can't help but smile.


	14. Midnight Talk Poem

_It really has been a long time, hasn't it?  
I guess that is a good thing. Since it means I didn't need them to be here...  
Until now.  
Have you ever sat upright in bed at night? Everyone is asleep, but you aren't, and when you realize this, suddenly you feel utterly lost and alone. Suddenly those small daily problems seem insoluble. Suddenly everyone is against you. Suddenly your mind goes wild.  
It's always good have someone to hold you then.

* * *

_**Midnight Talk

* * *

**You sit in the darkness  
It is way past eleven  
You're feeling so helpless  
Pushed right out of heaven

You clutch at your pillow  
And try to hold back  
Not to drown in your sorrow  
Hold on to what you lack

You feel guilty to call them  
After hours and days  
But you still hold on for them  
To come and to raise

Then he's there and you grip  
Grip his arms and his hands  
If he leaves, you will trip  
You will loose your defense

He waits while you ponder  
You relax in his glow  
And if he does wonder  
Then he doesn't show

You think of your family  
And you think of his  
And how yours might never see  
And how he is missed

You tear at his skin  
And guilt tears at your guts  
But is it a sin  
To be completely nuts?

He won't ask you what's wrong  
Truth be told you don't know  
But the silence is strong  
Has been days in a row

Sometimes nothing's unbearable  
And the world is a pain  
Sometimes _void _is a wearable  
And sunshine is rain

You reach out for the phone  
And you call your best friend  
But she is not at home  
You don't know where she went

You call out for your mum  
Who's in bed, fast asleep  
And you will her to come  
When she doesn't, you weep

In your mind you call out  
To the one who is there  
Who won't comment your pout  
But who's solid as air

Still he whispers to you  
It is time to sleep tight  
This day was not your cue  
But tomorrow just might

So sleep tight, little miss  
Do not fear, do not wake  
Don't waste life here like this  
Don't yet pull up your stake

Little miss, listen up  
You are loved, don't you see  
You have friends, little cub  
And a great family...

And you shout, just be silent!  
Because what does he know?  
When the moon hides its crescent  
And shadows sweep low?

And you hate your behaviour  
And you hate how he's right  
But you're glad he's your saviour  
Yet another black night

And you sit in the darkness  
And midnight passed by  
And you feel weak and helpless  
But you promised to try


	15. Blame

_I just failed my theory exam that's required to get your license and decided to verbally hit someone. Well. Sorry, darling.

* * *

_**Blame

* * *

**He looks at me as if I had lost my mind. For a brief second I wonder if he is right. But the thought is washed away as soon as it came, leaving behind only the white furious emptyness that I've been in for almost two hours now.

"F..." Another curse leaves my mouth, and his eyes widen, but he says nothing. I kick a pile of dirty clothes and sharp pain shoots up my leg. Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows hid under it. I curse again, hopping about on one foot and holding my other in my hands, while the book crashes against the wall and slumps down, playing dead.

I hear my sister shuffling in front of my door, thinking the better of it and disappearing into her room.

He remains silent, only looking at me with this calm curiosity that normally never fails to calm me down. Today it seems to make things worse. I bet he would have passed the exam right away, without even trying. Without learning at all. I hate him with passion in that moment. Hate myself with even more passion. I wish I were this passionate about my homework.

"SHIT!" This time I don't hold back, and he leans back, out of my eyesight. I am busy staring at myself in the mirror. How I hate everything about myself in this moment. Everything.

I'm a giant failure. Suddenly someone is laughing, a harsh and bitter sound. It takes me a moment to realize it's me. Doesn't sound like me at all. Why am I laughing? Right. Irony. Bittersweet irony, sitting in a room with someone who needed one year in Japan before he realized he didn't fail his family by not dying. Sitting in one head with the girl that didn't understand how he even got that stupid idea. The facts remain the same. I'm a failure.

He is still looking at me. His blue hair keeps falling into his onyx eyes. I wonder if he only puts it behind his ears when I'm not looking. Playing dead, like the book on the ground. Trying not to upset me further. I wonder when he changed into his human form during our one-sided conversation.

"I should probably update 'Uptown World', shouldn't I." My brain feels detached from the rest of my body. I see a hint of emotion flicker in his eyes, the first reaction to my ranting at all. He's afraid. He's probably right with that. Don't know what will happen to them if I update now. Something bad, I guess.

I sit down on the bed next to him rather abruptly, and he turns around to look at me. I can't read his eyes. I've never been good at that. His hair keeps falling into his face, partially covering his features. I want to tuck it back behind his ears. I can't. Looking down to see that I am digging my nails into my palms hard enough to hurt.

"Don't do that." His voice is gentle and soft, and he takes my hands in his and losens my death grip. One finger after the other. It's strange. I always thought, for some reason, his hands would be just as soft and gentle as his voice. Now I feel calluses on his palms, feel the controlled strength in his fingers, the small marks that have been left even here, on his fingertips, the backs of his hands. Strange. This is in my head, right? Shouldn't he be just like I imagine him to be?

"I've had problems driving too, you know. And we don't need to absolve this theory exam in America."

Somehow it seems inappropiate to point out that he'll never officially get his license anyway.

"You drive anyways."

He smiles a small, sad smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "At the beginning I haven't been able to drive a car to save my life."

I am astonished how sad that sounds coming from him.

Irony.

He is gone, and I stare at the empty bed in silence.


	16. Nighttime

**Nighttime.**

* * *

"Mikey, I swear to Kami and the Dragons and everything that's good and holy, if you use that marker on my bedroom wall I am going to stick it far up where the sun doesn't shine. And then I'll kill you."

Michelangelo froze in place, solid like a statue. The black tip of the edding hovered only centimeters from the yellow wall above my bed, reflecting the light of the bedstand lamp with a slick, wet shine. He moved his head wide enough to meet my eyes. It was pretty absurd to look at- a giant, humanoid turtle wearing an orange mask, staring at me as good as he was able to from the corners of his ridiculously large, blue eyes. I would have laughed had the situation been different.

We remained like that for a few seconds in which I tried my best not to look too surprised because of him suddenly appearing in front of me. Or hurt, for the matter, because of his long absence. Then his pink tongue flicked out, showing his nervousness even as the pen moved closer to the wall.

With as much calm as I could muster, I half-turned and lay one hand on the keyboard of my laptop. Here he froze again, resuming to stare at me.

"One single touch." I said with the smallest, yet no less sadistic, smile.

The mutated turtle blew out a frustrated sigh through his nostrils and fell back flat on my bed. I flinched for a second, wanting to tell him to watch out for my beloved plushies. Only just in time I remembered my new status and remained silent. I am eightteen now, I am able to legally drive a car in my home country, I can buy serious alcohol, all because I am what society calls a "grown-up" now. It is the last, final step ahead of the guys. Because they will never get the chance to grow up like this, not the boys I know, the "2k3-cartoon-boys". They will be frozen in their teenage state forever.

They are Peter Pan and his Lost Boys, and I have turned into Wendy three months ago. And Wendy doesn't care about plushies. Which is why I remained silent when his shell missed Puppa by inches even though my fingernails dug into my palms hard enough to leave deep red marks.

"But I'm _bored_", he whined.

I was dumbstruck. "Do you always draw on people's walls with black marker when you are bored?" I asked, carefully edging forward while preparing to take mental notes. Gathering new information about the boys was hard enough as it was; I would use every chance they gave me. He rolled around, this time almost smashing Tony Rabbit, to have a better look at me on the chair from his changed position.

"No." He said, with enough honest dignity to make me frown. "Of course not. Who do you think I am?"

I chose to understand the question as rhetorical and only laughed once before I pressed him further. "So you are here doing just that because...?"

"Because Raph stole my paint, _duh!_" For some reason I really felt stupid now, as if I should have known that. Mikey has always had his ways to do that to me. I also felt a bit sorry for the poor kid- once someone takes away his paint, he is too bored to think of anything but visit me. Wait. Isn't that actually an insult?

Luckily (for him), I had no time to mentally debate the matter further. Just as I was about to answer him, the window to my left _burst open _with the force of an explosion and Leo crawled in. That was when my mind went absolutely blank. Not because he just burst in like that, rude and without knocking and so unlike the Leo I know, but because of his looks.

His body was completely covered in paint. Red paint, blue paint, yellow paint, green paint, brown, white, orange and purple paint splattered all over him, on his face, his plastron, his legs, between his toes. Some of it bore telltale scratching marks and was scraped off with what looked like a hard sponge (or maybe a fork). Aside from that, his shell was painted a hot, neon-colored, unnaturally shiny _pink._

And for some reason he also looked seriously pissed.

"MIKEY!" He screamed, which was new because when Leo was angry, his voice normally goes really really low and dangerous. Under the paint, his cheeks were reddened- it looked strange underneath the yellow paint on his face. Also he had what looked like claw marks everywhere the paint had already been removed, signs from his desperate struggles to get it off, I assumed. He jumped Mikey- literally _jumped, _by bed gave an agonizing screech before it died- and wrestled him off the mattress. A stack of fresh clothes tilted dangerously to one side and finally gave in while the water in my aquarium splashed, causing the fish to get a fit.

Then Leo was on top of his younger brother, pressing his hands into the green carpet. His face hovered above Mikey's, beaks almost touching. I would have thought of yaoi (because I always think of yaoi, it's what I am) but the image springing to my mind was more one of a wolf about to rip apart his pray.

I heard Mikey whine something that sounded like "my paint, my wonderful paint", and underneath the shock and the realization that it hadn't been the prankster to pull this prank today I suddenly got the feeling that I might see the youngest in my room more often in the future. It wasn't exactly a happy thought.

"You're coming with me." Leo stood up, pulling his brother to his feet and nearly ripping his hands off in the process. He still held them in a death grip while he made his way past fallen books and laundry and eventually past me. All the time Mikey kept whining, obviously too much in shock about his loss to realise that if he didn't react soon, Leo would assume him being the culprit and probably tear him apart slowly.

The leader gave me a look when he strode past me and even giving me the smallest bow. "Sorry for the interruption", he breathed, gathering up what was left of his pride to be able to meet my eyes. "And good luck with your biology examn next week."

I nodded back at him, lifting my eyebrows just a bit. "No problem at all, and thanks. Oh, before I forget, keep him alive for me. I need him in my next story."

He must have caught the dangerous glinting in my eyes at that point, because his expression suddenly mirrored mine. "Really!" He said. "I'd love to hear about that new story later. I might even let him live until then if I like what I get."

And he was gone.

I stared after him, still a bit dumbfounded, before I dissolved into a mixture of shameful pity and hysterical giggling. On his pink shell, just where Leo couldn't see it for sure no matter how much he craned his neck, a picture was drawn with black marker. It showed a giant arrow pointing up his back, and _someone_ had written "put stick up here" underneath.

My mother found me like this minutes later. She looked around in my mess of a room which had been neat and tidy (kinda) only moments ago before he stared at me with suspicion.

"What the heck is this? Did something explode?"

"No, mum." I sighed, trying to regain control of myself and failing. "It's an Art Attack Big Picture."

And I returned to my laughing fit while, shaking her head, she left to buy pizza._"_

* * *

_Art Attack was a very popular art show when I was younger (I have no idea if it is American in origin, thus the explanation). There was this guy, Neil, who would always use whatever he found (hay, rope, cars, layers of cloth, tons of sand...) to create giant pictures that only made sense when seen from far above, like a plane or a helicopter- the "Big Pictures". :)_


	17. Because they do know

_You guys are wonderful. You manage to cheer me up every time with your comments. It is so weird to think of myself as old even though I'm barely 18. So yeah, thanks a lot, I really appreciate that. :)  
This chap goes to my wonderful friends. I couldn't ask for better ones. :*_

* * *

_Who says you're not star potential?  
Who says you're not presidential?  
Who says you can't be in movies?  
Listen to me  
Listen to me  
[Selena Gomez]  
_

* * *

**Because they do know**

* * *

"Playing Sims 3."

The reply was as short as the question and almost as cheerful. Mikey, sitting on her bed, cracked a grin when she spun her chair around and playfully raised an eyeridge at him. "Asking you back, Mikester: What are _you _doing here? Did you escape the infernal wrath of painty Leo all right?"

He made a face, sticking out his tongue and rolling his eyes. "Oi, it was horrible. But in the end, the culprit was discovered." He chuckled. "Just in time too. I thought I was done for this time_. _But Raph couldn't just let Leo run around with a pink neon sign on his back without showing off the truth. And he had to buy me some new paint and now I'm all happy again."

She laughed at his funny mimic and gestic that underlined his speech. Something on the screen behind her attracted her attention for a second- a Sim baby needed a new diaper, apparently- and she held up a hand to quickly solve the problem via her mouse. When she spun the chair again, Mikey stood behind her, close enough to almost get hit by her flailing legs.

"Whoa, way to ninja, Mike." She chuckled, even though she couldn't fully hide her embarrassed surprise. She stopped when he leaned down until their eyes were level. His ones were blue like her own, but seemed bigger in his turtle face. He tilted his head like a puppy, looking incredibly cute for a moment before he asked, "And how have you been?"

She purposefully stretched her shoulders until the joints popped satisfyingly. "Busy but fine. Tonight's our Dungeons&Dragons -meeting." She laughed at his face. "I know, I'm such an American-geek-like person, ain't I? But anyways, Friday's my final examn in Biology, and tomorrow's Shady's birthday. Sunday's mum's, today is my dog's, Tuesday is Yu's birthday... They are all May children, all cuddly and extraordinarily exhausting alike." She grinned again. "So yeah, I'm trying to catch up on yesterday's lost sleep by playing PC games. But otherwisely I'm perfectly fine."

Now it was her turn to tilt her head. "Again, Mike, asking you back. Why are you wearing a sweater and pants?"

He did indeed, almost disappearing in giant dark blue jogging pants and a ridiculously large grey sweater. His shell disappeared all right, but so did his arms, legs and his face. He put on the hood and made a scary noise. "Disguuuuuuuiiiiiiiise!"

"Baka." She shook her head in amusement before she sent one of her male Sims to cook some food. Oatmeal. Hmm. She made a face at the thought before she returned to "her" ninja who, for some reason, already had his head level with hers again, staring at her more intensely and far more serious than before.

"Mikey. What is..."

Then she found herself in his embrace, pressed against his plastron hard enough to be able to distinguish between the different plates even through the sweater. Her head was buried against his shoulder, and he was rubbing gentle circles up and down her back for some reason. She thought about being annoyed for a moment. What was his problem? Did she look that much emotionally unstable?

"You need to rest some time, you know." He whispered.

For some reason, that was when she started to crying.

She didn't even know herself why she did. It was something about being tired, and stressed, and not getting done what she had planned to get done. But it was also so nice to just be held, to be comforted, that she just felt like letting it all out. Whatever _it _was. It honestly wasn't like she was particularly upset or angry. Crying against his shoulder that he so freely offered just felt... _nice. _Like it was appreciated what she did.

It didn't last long, though. After only a few minutes she lifted her head and wiped her nose. "What was that for?" She sniffed and run her fingers over the skin under her eyes, looking for traces of mascara. She didn't wear any, she was just used to looking for it. Mikey only smiled at her, cheerful and bright as always, and she felt like her own small personal sun was rising inside her chest. "You looked like you might need it. Feeling better now?"

She nodded and hugged him again, without tears this time, but with that much more gratitude.

"Anytime." He whispered and she smiled against his shoulder.

"Oh, and your Sim is burning her food."

She let go of him immediately and spun to face her screen once more. Her expression was one of exasperation. "That is impossible! He was supposed to cook oatmeal! How can that even happen?"

Mikey laughed outright at her expression. "What's the dude's name? I like him."

She didn't look him in the eyes when she answered. "His name's Leo, if you have to know." She muttered.

He stared at her for a long, long second.

"Well." He finally replied. "You _were _asking for it."


	18. That One Person

_Short one before I go to bed._

* * *

_Thing is: If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe he's supposed to be there._

* * *

**That One Person**

* * *

"I have no idea." She gives Raph a glare. Judging from his unfaltering expression, it isn't very impressive. Apparently bags under your eyes do crap to your fear-factor. He just scowls, wrinkling his forehead.

"He sure don't look like nothin' happened. In fact, he looks positively heartbroken ta me."

In that very moment she can't help but notice how Raph, in his rare absent moments, can be almost epically fluffy. Her next thought is: How does he know what a heartbroken turtle looks like? Before she can come to a conclusion on that one, he shakes her back into reality. Verbally. Because Raph is many things, but he is not violent against people. girls. well. her. most of the time.

"Hello? Earth ta Pin. What did ya talk about?"

She tries to remember. Hard. "Well, we talked about life... and training, well, his training, since I don't do much of anything right now. School. The future. This one boy I like..."

"Whoa." He holds up a hand, cuts her off, stares at her. "That boy you like? Seriously? What's he, like, like?"

She gives him a very soft smile, one of those that don't reach a person's eyes. "He's wonderful. He's, like, my best friend. He's smart and humorous and exactly that amount of melancholic at times that makes me want to hug him." She sighs, softer than her smile, softer than a breeze. "His boyfriend is a very lucky person."

He lets that sink in, chews it through, all the while absently staring into space. But when his eyes find her face again, she hasn't moved an inch. For some reason, he looks sad enough in that moment for her to feel sorry.

"Raph, listen. I don't expect you to understand, and I didn't want to whine..."

Again, he interrupts, but his voice has lost much of its sharpness. "Don't worry. I do."

Long after he has left that evening, a single sentence comes to her mind. Something she might have seen in the TV show, or even read in a story. Something too cannon for her to pay any thought about before.

_April was the first girl we ever met. I think all of us had a crush on her at one point._

Maybe she hasn't been the only one hurting after all._  
_


	19. Summerdays

_This apology goes to you, too. Thanks for your support._

* * *

_For those who wipe our tears away  
And for the laughter that won't end  
That turns the night into the day  
And sometimes, people into friends  
[Kendric- Little Things]_

* * *

**Summerdays**

* * *

"I am very sorry."

She bows, as deep as she can manage, and feels awkward for it. But it seemed like the right thing to do for them. Bowing. Showing her respect. Making clear that she is honest about her apology, and that she tries to understand their way of living.

Very, very slowly, Mikey tilts his head to one side. "What for, exactly?"

She straightens up and looks at them one after the other, searching for their eyes. The surprise seems genuine. That confuses her. "For being such a whiny brat, of course. It's not fair to you and to everyone else out there. I mean, I am one of those persons who only write their diary when they are emotionally down. But still it's not fair."

Leo rubs at his eyes in a very tired manner. "Pin." He sighs, deeply, before he continues. "We have had good moments together, and we have had bad moments. Just because you only write down the bad ones doesn't mean we don't like you anymore."

Donnie smiles. "That's absolutely right. It's always worth a laugh to come over. And the pizza is exquisite."

That earns him a funny look. "Dude. We never eat pizza when you're here. We never _have _any pizza. At all." It is true, though. As much as her family likes pizza, they are not much into the frozen stuff, more like making the pizza themselves, fresh and steamy from the oven. Not often though, sometimes they order some, but most of the time they eat what her mother calls "real food". As much as she doesn't care, when the boys are here, she sometimes wishes they had anything but frozen spinach in the freezer.

"Whateva." Raph waves a hand at her and sits down on the bed, leaning against the wall. "'S cool." His gaze lands on the bag next to him, stuffed to the top with clothing, and the neatly folded blankets. "Ya goin' anywhere?"

Now all their interests are peeked. "Yeah, dudette. What's the deal?" He narrows his eyes for a moment, so unlike the Mikey she knows that she can't suppress a frown. "You don't have problems with your dad again, do you?"

She sits down next to Raph and smiles up at the youngest turtle. "Nope. Don't worry. We had this long, long talk a few weeks ago and since then we both try very hard to understand each other better. It works, for most of the time anyway." She rolls her shoulders and chuckles. "Even though I suppose it helps that I'm hardly at home anymore." With a glance on the bag she adds, "right now, I'm moving in with my friend for a while. She's pretty lonely all by herself, and I'm having... what do you call it again?"

She shoots a questioning look at Donnie who shrugs a bit helplessly. "What do you mean?"

She sucks at her lower lip for a moment. "You know, whatsitcalled... Internship? Where you go to a facility or anything really and work there to try it out? I'm doing that at my old elementary school for the next month." She makes a face. "More school. Finally I'm done with everything and now that. Ah well, it was my own idea. So this school is right next to her apartment, that's why I'm out of here for a few weeks." Their expressions make her laugh. "Aww, guys, don't worry. She's cool. And it's not far from here, fifteen minutes by bike maybe. We can still hang out, enjoy the sun."

They are glad that she finally got over her apology. Because of course she isn't half as depressed as depicted in her stories and poems, but they all know just too well that writing is the easiest when one is sad or angry. So they ignore her ranting and sit down to play half an hour of Monopoly.

Three hours later Raph has Mikey in a headlock for the high selling price of the Rockefeller Center and everything is back to normal.


	20. Sometimes

_Just so you know, I'm not dead or something. Sometimes life is a sneaky, little bastard, but at least it brings flowers._

* * *

_Nobody is perfect.  
But sometimes, life is._

* * *

**Something**

* * *

"Sorry, gals, but I need to go to sleep. Now. Tomorrow will be a busy day." _And a very interesting one. _But she doesn't say that aloud.

"I thought tomorrow was a free day. No work, nothing looming over you, just a bad and a really long nap." Mikey actually manages to sound disappointed. As if she is personally insulting him when she doesn't take the opportunity to relax. Thinking about it, maybe she is. He works that way_._

Instead of a reply she just makes a face at him. "Sorry. It's important, Mike."

"So what's it? Ya need ta bail one of ya friends outa some shi- some mess that's their own fault? Again? Clean your room? Clean your friend's room? Cook something for retarded grandmas?" Raph can be a jerk without realizing it at times, but when he really really _wants _to, it's bad enough to make her implode. Her face becomes hard, lips one thin line. Leo gets it just in time to grip his brother's arm, hard enough to make him stop. She is pretty sure that had it been her own arm, it'd be broken now. Raph shrugs Leo's hand off and gives him an annoyed look.

"If you have to know, I have a date."

She hadn't meant to tell them, but now it is out. Just like that, blurted into the world like just another meaningless thing. Worthless. That's how she felt when Raph said these things. Like whatever she did had no effect whatsoever. But it did. It kept people alive. She holds on to that thought while her words drop like stones hitting rock bottom.

"Ya goin' out? With dat one boy?"

He doesn't say _the gay one, _and he doesn't have to. Suddenly Mikey and Don are staring at her with a newfound interest. _She who can turn homosexuals into heterosexuals. _The thought makes her cringe inwardly. Quickly she calls up another folder in her memory, no data yet, just the picture of a face. It makes her smile.

"No. Not that one boy. Because, you know, there's more than one fish in the sea."

The sentence had never made sense to her.  
But maybe it would.  
Tomorrow.


End file.
